In the middle of all that I sent her a email as a way for her to understand how home schooled guys think about relationships.
Here’s part of the original email:
“Okay, first we double guess everything. Whether its a look or something
said we’ll over think its meaning. Second, we double guess ourselves
and our feelings. “Do I like this girl or not? If so what should I do
about it?” Third, very often we don’t know how to act on our feelings
once we figure them out. Fourth, we can be scared of our parents and
what they think. And our perceived perspectives about they’re
expectations. Fifth and finally, girls intimidate us, plain and
For example, currently I’m interested in a girl who I “kinda” know. I
wouldn’t say we’re “friends” more like acquaintances. She’s not dating
anyone that I know of and I really like her parents. However, I have
no idea of how to go about asking her out. I’m also afraid of being
rejected again. I‘m also afraid of how my parents might respond.
Being in a relationship with a girl is a huge change and step for us
guys and its a scary thought.”
Now what I wrote in the above email is not true of all home schooled guys, but it is true of myself and most home schooled guys I know. One of the things that I have struggled with and also something that most home schooled guys and girls struggle with. Is the lie that there is only one person for me to marry. It’s the idea that some where out in there in the world is our perfect match, the person who we are meant for and who is meant for us. I have no idea were this idea came from. Part of it I think stems from growing up in church and hearing stories about how God brought Isaac and Rebekah together. Now I do believe that for some people God has a specific spouse in mind for them. But, that’s not the norm. When we think that God only has only one person for us to marry we limit him. In reality God has put or will bring more than one potential spouse into your life. As I am writing this I can think of about a half dozen young ladies who I could happily be married to. Now once you are married your spouse will be the only one for you.
It’s not the end of the world if you feel like you missed the only one for you. Several years ago I liked a girl and I thought that she was the one that God wanted me to marry. As I look back I can see that at that time I wasn’t ready for any kind of long term relationship. Suffice it to say that I waited to long to make a move, as it were, and the opportunity to begin a relationship with the aforementioned girl passed me by. I won’t go into my state of mind after I missed the opportunity. But in the weeks and months after I realized that it wasn’t the end of the world. It slowly dawned on me that I was limiting God by saying that there was only one person that I could marry.
Now, please take everything I have said above with a grain of salt. Everything that I wrote above are my thoughts and opinions on relationships. Thus they are biased towards my upbringing and life experience. Relationships are complex and there’s is no one right answer. What works for one person or couple may not work for another.
“The battle with the heart isn’t easily won.”- Ingrid Michaelson