I Lived Fully

Living Life to the Full


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The Paper Bag Theory

A couple of weeks ago I was having a conversation with a friend of mine about meeting/finding/attracting the “right” guy. During the course of the conversation she said that she was going to go stick her head in a paper bag and see what would happen. Now my friend did not literally stick her head in a paper bag. What she meant by her statement is that she wasn’t going to worry about trying to find the “right” guy.
Instead she was just going to be herself and not try to be someone, that she is not just to attract a guy. My friend ended up calling her idea “The paper bag theory.” In short the paper bag theory is this. You will be yourself and not worry about attracting a member of the opposite sex.

Two types of small paper bags

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Now, you might be thinking to yourself that would never work. Well here’s some food for thought. Do you want someone to be attracted to the front that you put up to try to attract someone? Or do you want them to be attracted to the really you? Any kind of relationship won’t last if it’s built on false hood. It will eventually wither and die.

In a previous post I wrote about the masks we wear. In it I talked about reasons for why we wear masks and I posed the question “what would happen if we stopped wearing masks and showed each other our true self’s?” Since I wrote that post I have been trying to live without any masks. Some times I succeed and other times I fail miserably. In doing so I have found a sense of freedom and liberty that I never had before. I am not trying to please any one and I don’t have to hide behind masks and false fronts. Because I’m being myself and not who other people think I am. I’m more confidant in myself and my abilities both as a person and as a leader in my church young adult group.

If you’re stressing out and worrying about finding that “right” guy or girl. Why don’t you give the paper bag theory a shot. Who knows you might be surprised by the results. So, what happened with my friend, and did her paper bag theory work? Well, I think I’ll save the answer to that question for a future date.

-Roland K

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It’s That Feeling… The Law of Attraction

We’ve all experienced it. It’s that that felling you get when you’ve been hanging out with a girl or guy and all of a sudden you realize how attractive they are. You start noticing things that you never noticed before like the way they smile or how they hold their head when they’re thinking about something. Before you know it, you’re looking forward to next time you’ll be seeing them. As time goes by you may end day dreaming about them and about spending more time with them.

Opposites Attract

Opposites Attract (Photo credit: ragnar1984)

Now the process of attraction I have described above, may not be true of you, but it is true of me. I have noticed that when I am attracted to a girl I end going through the mental stages described above. What I listed above are the early stages of serious attraction that could lead to serious dating or courtship.

When I start going through those early stages of attraction I stop myself and ask myself if it’s worth it? I ask myself if I am ready for a different kind of relationship with this girl besides friendship? Most of the time the answer is no, I am not ready for a committed relationship. For example last fall/winter I probably could have started dating a girl I was interested in, but I decided not to peruse it because I needed to focus on school.

Now as I am finishing up my bachelors degree whenever I begin to go through the stages of attraction I am also asking myself “is this girl what I am looking for in a life partner? Does she meet the requirements that I am looking for? Could I spend the rest of my life with her?” So far the answer has been no. When I find a young lady that I can answer yes on all of my questions I know I’ve found the right gal for me.

So you might be wondering why I am posting about attraction? Part of it comes from the fact that’s it just the stage of life I find myself in. It seems like a lot of the people I know, who are close to my age, are either married, engaged, dating, or soon will be dating. Now that might seem odd to you. Considering that the average age of my friends is about 21 and the average age that people get married in the United States is about 27-28. Granted I do attend a semi conservative church which has a culture that encourages marriage at a younger age. Though thankfully it’s never preached from the pulpit.

German chocolate cake from a bakery

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I recently had a conversation with a mentor of mine about finding a life partner/helpmate. I mentioned to him that I tend to get impatient with wanting to find a girlfriend sooner than later. After I was done talking he used an example of a cake in the oven as a metaphor for finding a girlfriend. If I took the cake out to early it might smell and taste the same. However, the cake wouldn’t be as satisfying as if I had waited until the cake was done baking. So, moral of the story. If you rush into relationship it’ll end up like that half baked cake. However, if you’re patient and do some waiting the end result will be much more satisfying.

So why am I sharing all of the above? Well, call me a romantic but guys if you like a girl and she likes you back. Man up, take the plunge and go ask her out!!! Or if you have been dating a girl for couple years go propose to her, don’t put it off any more!!! Prove that you are a man by taking the initiative, and not just another boy pretending to be a man!!!

Now some of you might be thinking “Wait!!! Hold on!!! Time Out!!! Didn’t you just say I should wait!?!” I did just say that. However, there’s a time to wait and a time to act. I can’t tell you if you should wait or if you should act. What I can tell you is that if you wait to long the cake is going to burn.

-Roland K