I Lived Fully

Living Life to the Full


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The Paper Bag Theory

A couple of weeks ago I was having a conversation with a friend of mine about meeting/finding/attracting the “right” guy. During the course of the conversation she said that she was going to go stick her head in a paper bag and see what would happen. Now my friend did not literally stick her head in a paper bag. What she meant by her statement is that she wasn’t going to worry about trying to find the “right” guy.
Instead she was just going to be herself and not try to be someone, that she is not just to attract a guy. My friend ended up calling her idea “The paper bag theory.” In short the paper bag theory is this. You will be yourself and not worry about attracting a member of the opposite sex.

Two types of small paper bags

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Now, you might be thinking to yourself that would never work. Well here’s some food for thought. Do you want someone to be attracted to the front that you put up to try to attract someone? Or do you want them to be attracted to the really you? Any kind of relationship won’t last if it’s built on false hood. It will eventually wither and die.

In a previous post I wrote about the masks we wear. In it I talked about reasons for why we wear masks and I posed the question “what would happen if we stopped wearing masks and showed each other our true self’s?” Since I wrote that post I have been trying to live without any masks. Some times I succeed and other times I fail miserably. In doing so I have found a sense of freedom and liberty that I never had before. I am not trying to please any one and I don’t have to hide behind masks and false fronts. Because I’m being myself and not who other people think I am. I’m more confidant in myself and my abilities both as a person and as a leader in my church young adult group.

If you’re stressing out and worrying about finding that “right” guy or girl. Why don’t you give the paper bag theory a shot. Who knows you might be surprised by the results. So, what happened with my friend, and did her paper bag theory work? Well, I think I’ll save the answer to that question for a future date.

-Roland K

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It’s That Feeling… The Law of Attraction

We’ve all experienced it. It’s that that felling you get when you’ve been hanging out with a girl or guy and all of a sudden you realize how attractive they are. You start noticing things that you never noticed before like the way they smile or how they hold their head when they’re thinking about something. Before you know it, you’re looking forward to next time you’ll be seeing them. As time goes by you may end day dreaming about them and about spending more time with them.

Opposites Attract

Opposites Attract (Photo credit: ragnar1984)

Now the process of attraction I have described above, may not be true of you, but it is true of me. I have noticed that when I am attracted to a girl I end going through the mental stages described above. What I listed above are the early stages of serious attraction that could lead to serious dating or courtship.

When I start going through those early stages of attraction I stop myself and ask myself if it’s worth it? I ask myself if I am ready for a different kind of relationship with this girl besides friendship? Most of the time the answer is no, I am not ready for a committed relationship. For example last fall/winter I probably could have started dating a girl I was interested in, but I decided not to peruse it because I needed to focus on school.

Now as I am finishing up my bachelors degree whenever I begin to go through the stages of attraction I am also asking myself “is this girl what I am looking for in a life partner? Does she meet the requirements that I am looking for? Could I spend the rest of my life with her?” So far the answer has been no. When I find a young lady that I can answer yes on all of my questions I know I’ve found the right gal for me.

So you might be wondering why I am posting about attraction? Part of it comes from the fact that’s it just the stage of life I find myself in. It seems like a lot of the people I know, who are close to my age, are either married, engaged, dating, or soon will be dating. Now that might seem odd to you. Considering that the average age of my friends is about 21 and the average age that people get married in the United States is about 27-28. Granted I do attend a semi conservative church which has a culture that encourages marriage at a younger age. Though thankfully it’s never preached from the pulpit.

German chocolate cake from a bakery

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I recently had a conversation with a mentor of mine about finding a life partner/helpmate. I mentioned to him that I tend to get impatient with wanting to find a girlfriend sooner than later. After I was done talking he used an example of a cake in the oven as a metaphor for finding a girlfriend. If I took the cake out to early it might smell and taste the same. However, the cake wouldn’t be as satisfying as if I had waited until the cake was done baking. So, moral of the story. If you rush into relationship it’ll end up like that half baked cake. However, if you’re patient and do some waiting the end result will be much more satisfying.

So why am I sharing all of the above? Well, call me a romantic but guys if you like a girl and she likes you back. Man up, take the plunge and go ask her out!!! Or if you have been dating a girl for couple years go propose to her, don’t put it off any more!!! Prove that you are a man by taking the initiative, and not just another boy pretending to be a man!!!

Now some of you might be thinking “Wait!!! Hold on!!! Time Out!!! Didn’t you just say I should wait!?!” I did just say that. However, there’s a time to wait and a time to act. I can’t tell you if you should wait or if you should act. What I can tell you is that if you wait to long the cake is going to burn.

-Roland K


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How Homeschool Guys Think

About a year ago a friend of mine was trying to work through her feelings for a guy who didn’t appear to reciprocate her feelings. Now I’m friends with the guy my friend was interested in and I knew that he did reciprocate her feelings. She thought that he liked her, but she couldn’t figure out why he wasn’t doing anything about it. Over the course of about a year and a half they became really good friends. But, she became frustrated with his apparent lack of wanting to take the relationship to the next level and actually start dating. Eventually she gave him a ultimatum that if he didn’t do something she was going to move on and not wait for him to get his act together. To cut a long story short he didn’t act on the ultimatum and express his feelings.

In the middle of all that I sent her a email as a way for her to understand how home schooled guys think about relationships.

Here’s part of the original email:

“Okay, first we double guess everything. Whether its a look or something
said we’ll over think its meaning. Second, we double guess ourselves
and our feelings. “Do I like this girl or not? If so what should I do
about it?” Third, very often we don’t know how to act on our feelings
once we figure them out. Fourth, we can be scared of our parents and
what they think. And our perceived perspectives about they’re
expectations. Fifth and finally, girls intimidate us, plain and
simple.

For example, currently I’m interested in a girl who I “kinda” know. I
wouldn’t say we’re “friends” more like acquaintances. She’s not dating
anyone that I know of and I really like her parents. However, I have
no idea of how to go about asking her out. I’m also afraid of being
rejected again. I‘m also afraid of how my parents might respond.

Being in a relationship with a girl is a huge change and step for us
guys and its a scary thought.”

Now what I wrote in the above email is not true of all home schooled guys, but it is true of myself and most home schooled guys I know. One of the things that I have struggled with and also something that most home schooled guys and girls struggle with. Is the lie that there is only one person for me to marry. It’s the idea that some where out in there in the world is our perfect match, the person who we are meant for and who is meant for us. I have no idea were this idea came from. Part of it I think stems from growing up in church and hearing stories about how God brought Isaac and Rebekah together. Now I do believe that for some people God has a specific spouse in mind for them. But, that’s not the norm. When we think that God only has only one person for us to marry we limit him. In reality God has put or will bring more than one potential spouse into your life. As I am writing this I can think of about a half dozen young ladies who I could happily be married to. Now once you are married your spouse will be the only one for you.

It’s not the end of the world if you feel like you missed the only one for you. Several years ago I liked a girl and I thought that she was the one that God wanted me to marry. As I look back I can see that at that time I wasn’t ready for any kind of long term relationship. Suffice it to say that I waited to long to make a move, as it were, and the opportunity to begin a relationship with the aforementioned girl passed me by. I won’t go into my state of mind after I missed the opportunity. But in the weeks and months after I realized that it wasn’t the end of the world. It slowly dawned on me that I was limiting God by saying that there was only one person that I could marry.

Now, please take everything I have said above with a grain of salt. Everything that I wrote above are my thoughts and opinions on relationships. Thus they are biased towards my upbringing and life experience. Relationships are complex and there’s is no one right answer. What works for one person or couple may not work for another.

“The battle with the heart isn’t easily won.”- Ingrid Michaelson

-Roland K


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The Biggest Mistake of Her Life…

My youngest sister is in drama and yesterday was her classes performance of sleeping beauty. Now one of the requirements of her being in drama is that our family needs to volunteer to help out with the production in some way. My dad has a covered trailer so instead of selling tickets, checking tickets at the door, or selling merchandise our family hauls the set from where they make it, to where they perform.

Mistake

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So last night as we are finishing unloading the set two of the older guys from the class show up to help finish unloading and to close up the barn where they keep the set pieces. Any way my Dad hears the younger of the two say something about being hit in the head with a board. My Dad jokingly asks if the younger guy would like to be hit in the head with a board? The younger guy says something like “Maybe I should be hit in the head with a board.” My dad then asks “Why is that?” The younger guy then goes on to explain that one of his best friends through high school just got engaged to a guy that she only met a couple of months ago and they’re getting married in four months and that he thinks that she is making the biggest mistake of her life and can’t figure out why everybody is congratulating her about it.

Now from my point of view the younger guy clearly likes this Girl, I mean a blind man could see it! My Dad smiling says that maybe it’ll workout saying that he and my Mom got married right out of high school. Granted my Dad and Mom basically dated the last two or three years of high school, but I digress.

After hearing this the Younger guy restates that his best friend and this other guy have only known each other for a couple months and they’re going to be going to two different colleges. So as we are about to leave my Dad hops out of our van and walks up to the younger guy and tells him that he should “Buy twelve roses and then pay a kid to take the roses to this girl in his name when the other guy is with her.” The younger guy was in shock for a sec, but then he recovered sputtering “That’s awful, Why would I do such a thing?” While the younger guy is saying this the older guy was laughing saying that he was going to make the younger guy do it.

Is there a moral to this story? Well kinda, for the guys out there, if you are best friends with a girl don’t wait to ask her out! There is a lesson from this story that we can all learn from. That is, don’t wait to long to do something! I’ve done this many times, I waited for something to happen thinking that it would happen without me doing anything, and what I wanted to happen didn’t happen because I didn’t make it happen.

I don’t know how the story above will end, but my challenge to you is to stop waiting for something to happen and to go make it happen!!!

“Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle.” -Abraham Lincoln

-Roland K