I Lived Fully

Living Life to the Full


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The Paper Bag Theory

A couple of weeks ago I was having a conversation with a friend of mine about meeting/finding/attracting the “right” guy. During the course of the conversation she said that she was going to go stick her head in a paper bag and see what would happen. Now my friend did not literally stick her head in a paper bag. What she meant by her statement is that she wasn’t going to worry about trying to find the “right” guy.
Instead she was just going to be herself and not try to be someone, that she is not just to attract a guy. My friend ended up calling her idea “The paper bag theory.” In short the paper bag theory is this. You will be yourself and not worry about attracting a member of the opposite sex.

Two types of small paper bags

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Now, you might be thinking to yourself that would never work. Well here’s some food for thought. Do you want someone to be attracted to the front that you put up to try to attract someone? Or do you want them to be attracted to the really you? Any kind of relationship won’t last if it’s built on false hood. It will eventually wither and die.

In a previous post I wrote about the masks we wear. In it I talked about reasons for why we wear masks and I posed the question “what would happen if we stopped wearing masks and showed each other our true self’s?” Since I wrote that post I have been trying to live without any masks. Some times I succeed and other times I fail miserably. In doing so I have found a sense of freedom and liberty that I never had before. I am not trying to please any one and I don’t have to hide behind masks and false fronts. Because I’m being myself and not who other people think I am. I’m more confidant in myself and my abilities both as a person and as a leader in my church young adult group.

If you’re stressing out and worrying about finding that “right” guy or girl. Why don’t you give the paper bag theory a shot. Who knows you might be surprised by the results. So, what happened with my friend, and did her paper bag theory work? Well, I think I’ll save the answer to that question for a future date.

-Roland K

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It’s That Feeling… The Law of Attraction

We’ve all experienced it. It’s that that felling you get when you’ve been hanging out with a girl or guy and all of a sudden you realize how attractive they are. You start noticing things that you never noticed before like the way they smile or how they hold their head when they’re thinking about something. Before you know it, you’re looking forward to next time you’ll be seeing them. As time goes by you may end day dreaming about them and about spending more time with them.

Opposites Attract

Opposites Attract (Photo credit: ragnar1984)

Now the process of attraction I have described above, may not be true of you, but it is true of me. I have noticed that when I am attracted to a girl I end going through the mental stages described above. What I listed above are the early stages of serious attraction that could lead to serious dating or courtship.

When I start going through those early stages of attraction I stop myself and ask myself if it’s worth it? I ask myself if I am ready for a different kind of relationship with this girl besides friendship? Most of the time the answer is no, I am not ready for a committed relationship. For example last fall/winter I probably could have started dating a girl I was interested in, but I decided not to peruse it because I needed to focus on school.

Now as I am finishing up my bachelors degree whenever I begin to go through the stages of attraction I am also asking myself “is this girl what I am looking for in a life partner? Does she meet the requirements that I am looking for? Could I spend the rest of my life with her?” So far the answer has been no. When I find a young lady that I can answer yes on all of my questions I know I’ve found the right gal for me.

So you might be wondering why I am posting about attraction? Part of it comes from the fact that’s it just the stage of life I find myself in. It seems like a lot of the people I know, who are close to my age, are either married, engaged, dating, or soon will be dating. Now that might seem odd to you. Considering that the average age of my friends is about 21 and the average age that people get married in the United States is about 27-28. Granted I do attend a semi conservative church which has a culture that encourages marriage at a younger age. Though thankfully it’s never preached from the pulpit.

German chocolate cake from a bakery

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I recently had a conversation with a mentor of mine about finding a life partner/helpmate. I mentioned to him that I tend to get impatient with wanting to find a girlfriend sooner than later. After I was done talking he used an example of a cake in the oven as a metaphor for finding a girlfriend. If I took the cake out to early it might smell and taste the same. However, the cake wouldn’t be as satisfying as if I had waited until the cake was done baking. So, moral of the story. If you rush into relationship it’ll end up like that half baked cake. However, if you’re patient and do some waiting the end result will be much more satisfying.

So why am I sharing all of the above? Well, call me a romantic but guys if you like a girl and she likes you back. Man up, take the plunge and go ask her out!!! Or if you have been dating a girl for couple years go propose to her, don’t put it off any more!!! Prove that you are a man by taking the initiative, and not just another boy pretending to be a man!!!

Now some of you might be thinking “Wait!!! Hold on!!! Time Out!!! Didn’t you just say I should wait!?!” I did just say that. However, there’s a time to wait and a time to act. I can’t tell you if you should wait or if you should act. What I can tell you is that if you wait to long the cake is going to burn.

-Roland K


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The Battle of The Heart

The heart is a mysterious thing. Figuring out the things we want in life can be hard. Whether it’s where we want to go to school, what kind of career we want to pursue, or what kind of person we want to marry. For some people these kind of questions are easy to answer. For most people however, answering the “BIG” life questions of school, career, and marriage isn’t as easy as one two three.
As I am finishing up my college degree and entering the next stage of my life. I am asking myself questions like “what kind of career do I want to pursue?” or “What am I looking for in a wife?” And to be honest I haven’t figured out the answers to those questions. However, two years ago I thought I had it all figured out.

It was my senior year of high school and I was at the top of my game, metaphorically speaking. I was extremely active in my churches youth group. I knew what I wanted to do after high school in terms of college. I was also planning on asking the girl of my dreams out at the end of the year. However, little did I know that I was in for a major crash and burn experience.

Broken heart symbol

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The first blow came when I asked the girl I liked out. Turned out that it was to little to late. She had meet a another guy and they had just started dating. The second blow came a couple of weeks later, when I found out that the cost of tuition at the media school I was planning on attending had basically doubled due to the school having built a brand new facility. The third and final blow came several months later when I had a major disagreement with my churches youth pastor. As each event happened I fell deeper and deeper into a depressed funk. I couldn’t figure out what happened! I had everything planned out and yet in a few short months everything I had planned fell apart. It wasn’t until last fall that the funk finally started to lift.

As I look back at the fourteen or so months after high school and the events that took place during that time. I have realized that each event taught me something different about myself and how I relate to others. Getting rejected by the girl of my “dreams” showed me that I wasn’t as ready for a committed long term relationship as I thought. The cost of tuition in the school I was planning on attending getting doubled showed me that I wasn’t as flexible with unexpected circumstances as I thought, and made me rethink my priorities on my education. The disagreement with my youth pastor showed me that I had a lot of unforgiveness and pride in my life.

During my Senior year of high school I knew what I wanted in life. However, hindsight being what it is I have come to realize that I really didn’t know what I wanted out of life back then, and the truth is I still don’t know entirely what I want out of life. Which is odd considering that I am writing a blog about living life to the fullest.

I bring up my sorry sob story to make a point. It’s a given that throughout life we are going to experience heartbreak, and we have no control over it. What we do have control over is how we respond to the heartbreak that we experience. I responded poorly to the heart break I experienced at the end of my senior year of high school. So I want to leave you with this question to ponder. How will you respond to heart break when it comes your way?

“The battle with the heart isn’t easily won. But it can be won.” -Ingrid Michaelson

-Roland K


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When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Waffles!


The above video is possibly one of the greatest rants ever! If you’re wondering, the rant is from the video game Portal 2. But I digress. The saying “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” Has been around for awhile, and it seems to be ingrained into our culture. Most people have heard the saying or some variation of it.

English: Yellow lemons.

English: Yellow lemons. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Wikipedia says that the saying “‘When life gives you lemons, make lemonade‘ is a proverbial phrase used to encourage optimism and a can-do attitude in the face of adversity or misfortune. ‘Lemons’ In this expression is used in the informal sense of the word, to indicate an unfortunate or inadequate situation, a meaning which probably stems from the sour and acidic taste of unsweetened lemon. ‘Lemonade’ on the other hand, is a sweetened form of this same acerbic fruit, and so in the context of this expression, conveys the potential for pleasure and opportunity in seemingly bad situations.”
Now the saying “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” Is a excellent saying and a good reminder that bad situations can be turned around into good situations. However it’s not perfect, there’s a danger of sticking with something well past when it should have been dropped. With that said I want to pose the idea that “when life gives you lemons, make waffles.” What do I mean by that statement? There are some “lemons” or negative/bad situations in life that no matter how hard we persevere and try to make “lemonade” we still won’t make lemonade. So my idea of making waffles basically means that you drop the lemon and you go and do something radically different.

English: Crispy Waffles.

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In other words, instead of trying to turn a bad situation into a good situation. You go and look for a different situation altogether. For example, say a girl is stuck in bad relationship with her boyfriend. If she followed the “make lemonade” idea and stuck with it, persevered, and tried to make the relationship work she would just be hurting herself in the long run. If on the other hand she realized that the relationship was bad and that there was nothing she could do to change it. She could leave the negative situation with her boyfriend and move on with her life and not get stuck trying to make “lemonade”.Now my idea “making waffles” doesn’t apply to all situations. It also doesn’t mean that you never go back to the lemon, but there will be times that you never go back. There also will be times when you will be able to turn a bad situation into good situation. Basically what I am trying to say is that when life gives you lemons take a step back go do something else and then later go back and see if you can make lemonade out of that lemon.
So the next time life gives you lemons. Be radical and go make waffles!!!

-Roland K


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God Is Not An Elephant

When we are hurt by someone either physically, emotionally, or verbally we tend to hold a grudge. We hold it inside of us, we relive that moment of hurt over and over again until it makes us bitter. I know I’ve done it plenty of times, and it’s hard to let go of that hurt. So the question to ponder is. Do you become an elephant when others hurt you? Are you going to be like an elephant and not forget? Holding onto the hurt until it makes you bitter. Or are you going to let go of the hurt? Saying to yourself “I could remember and hold onto this until it makes me bitter, but I’m not, I am going to forgive them, move on with my life, and not let the hurt control me.” Forgiving someone who hurt you doesn’t mean you trust that person. It just means that you won’t hold it against them in the future. If God forgives us and doesn’t remember our Sin. What right do we have to be elephants, and hold a hurt against someone?

-Roland K


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How Homeschool Guys Think

About a year ago a friend of mine was trying to work through her feelings for a guy who didn’t appear to reciprocate her feelings. Now I’m friends with the guy my friend was interested in and I knew that he did reciprocate her feelings. She thought that he liked her, but she couldn’t figure out why he wasn’t doing anything about it. Over the course of about a year and a half they became really good friends. But, she became frustrated with his apparent lack of wanting to take the relationship to the next level and actually start dating. Eventually she gave him a ultimatum that if he didn’t do something she was going to move on and not wait for him to get his act together. To cut a long story short he didn’t act on the ultimatum and express his feelings.

In the middle of all that I sent her a email as a way for her to understand how home schooled guys think about relationships.

Here’s part of the original email:

“Okay, first we double guess everything. Whether its a look or something
said we’ll over think its meaning. Second, we double guess ourselves
and our feelings. “Do I like this girl or not? If so what should I do
about it?” Third, very often we don’t know how to act on our feelings
once we figure them out. Fourth, we can be scared of our parents and
what they think. And our perceived perspectives about they’re
expectations. Fifth and finally, girls intimidate us, plain and
simple.

For example, currently I’m interested in a girl who I “kinda” know. I
wouldn’t say we’re “friends” more like acquaintances. She’s not dating
anyone that I know of and I really like her parents. However, I have
no idea of how to go about asking her out. I’m also afraid of being
rejected again. I‘m also afraid of how my parents might respond.

Being in a relationship with a girl is a huge change and step for us
guys and its a scary thought.”

Now what I wrote in the above email is not true of all home schooled guys, but it is true of myself and most home schooled guys I know. One of the things that I have struggled with and also something that most home schooled guys and girls struggle with. Is the lie that there is only one person for me to marry. It’s the idea that some where out in there in the world is our perfect match, the person who we are meant for and who is meant for us. I have no idea were this idea came from. Part of it I think stems from growing up in church and hearing stories about how God brought Isaac and Rebekah together. Now I do believe that for some people God has a specific spouse in mind for them. But, that’s not the norm. When we think that God only has only one person for us to marry we limit him. In reality God has put or will bring more than one potential spouse into your life. As I am writing this I can think of about a half dozen young ladies who I could happily be married to. Now once you are married your spouse will be the only one for you.

It’s not the end of the world if you feel like you missed the only one for you. Several years ago I liked a girl and I thought that she was the one that God wanted me to marry. As I look back I can see that at that time I wasn’t ready for any kind of long term relationship. Suffice it to say that I waited to long to make a move, as it were, and the opportunity to begin a relationship with the aforementioned girl passed me by. I won’t go into my state of mind after I missed the opportunity. But in the weeks and months after I realized that it wasn’t the end of the world. It slowly dawned on me that I was limiting God by saying that there was only one person that I could marry.

Now, please take everything I have said above with a grain of salt. Everything that I wrote above are my thoughts and opinions on relationships. Thus they are biased towards my upbringing and life experience. Relationships are complex and there’s is no one right answer. What works for one person or couple may not work for another.

“The battle with the heart isn’t easily won.”- Ingrid Michaelson

-Roland K


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It’s Not About the Nail

Guys, this will probably go right over your head if you aren’t married, have a girlfriend, or have older sisters. Ladies most of you will understand the above video.

The reason I’m posting the video is because it highlights the importance of clear communication between men and women. It also highlights that sometimes it’s more important for us guys to sit and listen instead of trying to fix the problems of the women in our lives, even if there is a quick and easy solution.

-Roland K


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Losing Hope

Recently a former friend of mine got divorced. To maintain his privacy I’ll call him John Doe. I say former because the last time I saw him was about two to three years ago. Our Moms were and still are really good friends so when I was younger, John and I would hang out whenever our Moms got together. Now at this point you are probably wondering why I am bringing the fact that a former friend of mine got divorced? First let me give you some background. Both John and his ex wife were home schooled, they married about two years ago, and John was about nineteen and his ex wife is about two years older than John when they married.

So, to cut a long story short John and his ex wife got married young and without the necessary maturity level for a lasting relationship. I am not saying that their problem is because they married young, in fact my parents got married young and I think they turned out okay. Both John and his ex-wife made their mistakes in the marriage and maybe the right thing to do was to divorce, but one of the causes of the divorce I think was a lack of hope on both of their parts. They basically gave up without even trying to fix what was broken. Neither of them fought in the divorce, they just went in, signed the papers and left. Divorce is nasty and it tears apart families, and thankfully they don’t have any kids who had to go through the ordeal.

The point I am trying to make is that when you give up and lose hope you are selling yourself short and potentially missing out on something great. The Oxford dictionary defines Hope as “A feeling of expectation and desire for a particular thing to happen.” Or in other words, hope means looking forward. So when all we do is look backwards at our past mistakes and failures, we are are more likely to give up and lose hope because that’s where our focus is. If on the other hand we are looking forward we will be less likely to give up! John’s story is a sad story not only for the divorce, but also because both John and his ex wife gave up hope. Both of them were looking at past hurts instead of forgiving each other and moving forward. When you find yourself in a hard situation, whether it’s a lack of work or you’re going through a rocky patch in a relationship, don’t throw in the towel stick with it and keep looking forward!

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” -Proverbs 13:12

-Roland K


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The Masks We Wear

Who are you really? Are you the person that your friends see when you are hanging out with them? Are you the person that your family sees when you are around them? Or are you, your true self when no when else is a round or you think no is looking and you let your guard down? We all have masks that we wear when we are around people and some times they’re necessary. For example you don’t want to act crazy at a serious business meeting. But that’s more of a behavioral thing than an actual mask.

English: Various Balinese Topeng (dance masks)...

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Recently I’ve been realizing that the way people act is not always their true self. For example, I’ve got a friend she acts wild and crazy, and part of it is her personality. But, I think that part of the reason she acts the way she does is because that is how we her friends expect her to act when she is around us. Then there are times when I will see just a glimpse of a slightly less crazy person and I think to myself “If that’s the really you? Then the real you is way cooler, at least in my book, than the way you act most of the time.” But it’s not just my friend that I see doing this. I know I wear masks, and I see people who I don’t know very well wearing masks. It makes me wonder what would happen if we stopped wearing masks and showed each other our true self’s?

Granted, wearing a mask provides some anonymity and protection. But in our attempts to fit in with those around us, we can lose our true self’s. One of the reasons that I think we wear masks is because we know that without them we are vulnerable and exposed to those around us. Without a mask people can see us for who we really are, our strengths and weaknesses. So we put on a mask because we are afraid that if we don’t we won’t be accepted, so we wear a mask to try to fit in. So here’s an idea, instead of trying to fit in and be like those around us, shouldn’t we be celebrating our uniqueness?

My challenge to you this week is to think about who you really are, the masks that you wear, and why you wear them?

“No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true.” ― Nathaniel Hawthorne

-Roland K